The Aggressive Couch

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Piling On

| April 30, 2013

It’s not racist! It’s just a picture of a raccoon and a skunk sharing cat food!

It’s On The Internet! It Must Be Tuesday!

| April 29, 2013

Giving my right arm a break. Feels like Carpool Tunnel or a sprain or something. It’s deprived me of all my favorite hobbies – internet, jerking off, working on my car, strangling small animals, etc.

Endorsed by Famous Dead Person

| April 28, 2013

Is it any wonder that burning mouse heads isn’t as easy as it looks on TV? It’s true! And on a related note, “One Size Fits Most” is a blatant lie.

Correction to Previous Entry

| April 27, 2013

Sorry, I spent last night hangin’ with EMU Phillips.

Möebius Lips

| April 26, 2013

Another night of binge drinking and wild sex parties with Emo Phillips. It makes me wonder: does he get royalties for this whole “emo” music thing? Fall Out Boy was unavailable for comment. Yesterday.

Help Me Go Bacterial

| April 25, 2013

I’m off to clean the garage. Exciting!

Alf Pardoned for Murder of Willie

| April 24, 2013

Showing just how low things have gotten in Hollywood, Sony International Pictures has arranged for the early release of Gordon “Alf” Shumway, who was serving a life sentence for the brutal murder of Willie Tanner. “The way I see it, the guy deserves a break. And besides, with reality TV being such a hit, if […]

Massive Balls Reunion Album and Tasteful Sex Toy Party

| April 23, 2013

Look under the menu bar for ever increasing happiness! Also, up yours with a wire brush!

For Those Who Couldn’t Come… Fuck Off!

| April 22, 2013

…fuck off… …mediocre… Jibberjabber!

The Blood of Uranus Can Never Be Destroyed!

| April 21, 2013

Whoah, did I toss a throne last night?