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Where There’s Smoke There’s Ham

| July 31, 2012

I got brake maxi-pads for the Beagle today and now I’ve decided to go back and get some more shit!

You Haven’t Lived Until You’ve Picked Up a Beagle By the Ears

| July 30, 2012

So the Beagle is out of commission for a few days. Somebody forgot to remind me to check the brake pads. Anyway, should I just replace the Beagle brakes or put on Impala brakes? And if any Harry’s are trying to get a hold of me, maybe send me an actual text instead of a […]

Any Given Forkday

| July 28, 2012

The doctor said I could resume normal activity today (except whoopie) as long as it isn’t anything strenuous. I guess cutting down a mature hickory with a chainsaw doesn’t count as strenuous, does it? I mean, the saw did most of the work! Ordinarily, I would just rip it out of the ground by the […]

They Look Like Girls… But They Are Girls

| July 27, 2012

And here is another thing utter cretins are responsible for:

Golf Carts Ahoy

| July 26, 2012

So I haven’t been here for a few days. I was having my balls tied. Anyway, all I’ve done since then is sit around and eat so be glad I haven’t updated. And look at what else gun-toting Nazis can accomplish:

My God What Have I Done

| July 23, 2012

Serious comment: I wouldn’t be against making things like high capacity magazines illegal, and the pathetic attempts by the NRA to try to spin this shit into a pro-gun argument make me snort derisively, but remember that a nutcase doesn’t need a gun to kill.

I Must Share

| July 22, 2012

I finished 4th out of 5 cars today. Way faster and more fun in the Camaro. And people liked the special textured “mottled look” paint I used.

I’m Not Wearing Any Pants: Film at Eleven

| July 21, 2012

Hey housewives! Now you can go from this…         to this…           in a matter of months!

Tomorrow’s Hit New Reality Show REVEALED

| July 17, 2012

From the creators of “Sixteen and Pregnant!” and “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant!” comes the most shocking new sensational reality program ever: I Didn’t Know She was Sixteen! Join life behind bars as grown men reveal in graphic detail the stories of the jail bait bitches that got them locked up! Watch as dirty […]

Bossanova Hotdog

| July 16, 2012

I am in Flint.