Hello, welcome to the 2014 Dildo Drop! I am your host, Dick Clark on a Stick! Hello, welcome to the 2014 Dildo Drop! I am your host, Dick Clark on a Stick!" />

The Aggressive Couch

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:2014 Dildo Drop:

Hello, welcome to the 2014 Dildo Drop! I am your host, Dick Clark on a Stick!

Hello, welcome to the 2014 Dildo Drop! I am your host, Dick Clark on a Stick!

 

As you can see, we have a big dildo for you this year! Let's see if we can get a word with Mr. Squirrel.

As you can see, we have a big dildo for you this year! “The Pleasure Chest”, indeed!

 

This handsome nine foot tall dildo was specially made by the people of Pennsylvania as a gift to their elected representatives.

This handsome nine foot tall dildo was specially made by the people of Pennsylvania as a gift to their elected representatives.

 

Ordinarily, I would be counting down music video hits, but since we're on a budget this year, let's go directly to our interviews of the man on the street.

Ordinarily, I would be counting down music video hits, but since we’re on a budget this year, let’s go directly to our interviews of the man on the street.

 

Tell me, sir, how long have you been coming to the Dildo Drop? Where do you live? Have you ever had such a large dildo crammed up your nether regions? Are you coming on to me? Why aren't you saying anything?

Tell me, man on the street, how long have you been coming to the Dildo Drop? Where do you live? Have you ever had such a large dildo crammed up your nether regions? Are you coming on to me? Why aren’t you saying anything?

 

RUIN MY SEGMENT, WILL YOU? I'LL SHOW YOU, YOU STEAMING MOUND OF FAGGOT!

RUIN MY SEGMENT, WILL YOU? I’LL SHOW YOU, YOU STEAMING MOUSE FAGGOT!

 

As you can see, some people get... ahem... "over-served" on New Year's Eve! Kids, don't let this happen to you!

As you can see, some people get… ahem… “over-served” on New Year’s Eve! Kids, don’t let this happen to you! Drink in moderation this holiday!

 

Let's get some shots of the crowd while I dispose of the body.

Let’s get some shots of the crowd while I dispose of the body.

 

The crowd is pretty revved up for 2014!

The crowd is pretty revved up for 2014!

 

And I love you, too! And, er, uh, 2012? Must have a sale at Party City.

And I love you, too! And, er, uh, 2012? Must have been a sale at Party City.

 

Ha ha ha! This sign is so funny! Did they have a stroke while writing it? Wait, that isn't funny.

Ha ha ha! This sign is so funny! Did they have a stroke while writing it? Wait… Jesus Christ! That isn’t funny. What twisted asshole wrote this? Doesn’t anyone proof these fucking cue cards?

 

And this! CUT! CUT! CUT!

And this! CUT! CUT! CUT!

 

We will return after a word from our sponsor.

We will return after a word from our sponsor.

 

Visit the FAITH AND FAMILY VALUE SEX SHOP. The family that comes together sticks together. Now open during school hours!

Visit the FAITH AND FAMILY VALUE SEX SHOP. The family that comes together sticks together. Now open during school hours!

 

Oh, we're back! Just getting a little on the side. I can't help it if chicks dig Dick! I have to beat them off with a Stick!

We’re back! Just getting a little on the side. I can’t help it if chicks dig Dick! I have to beat them off with a Stick!

 

It's almost midnight! The countdown has started! Five!

Oh crap. The writer is running out of good pictures. Uh, it’s almost midnight! The countdown has started! Five!

 

Four!

Four!

 

Three!

Three!

 

Two!

Two!

 

ONE!

ONE!

 

2014 Dildo Drop

 

Good night and may Frog bless!

Good night and may Frog bless!

Thanks to Sound Bible for 5 second crowd cheer and sports crowd noises. Thanks to wherever the fuck I stole the Dick Clark image from. Thanks to Dick Clark for being dead so as not to sue.  Thanks to Douglas Self for no reason whatsoever. And special thanks to M*chelle K. M*****. I would have had sense enough not to do this without you!

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